Monday, December 27, 2010

Nothingness can get you thinking sometimes?

I do not know what its like to keep in touch with someone you thought you could spend the rest of your life with.  I do not know whether its okay to be able to keep in touch with that person or not. Whether its easy or not and whether it doesn't hurt as much as it could have. I am obviously not talking about myself here. But yes, I am trying to relate to it. Love. God, who made that four letter word? There are different spellings and short forms of that word today. Luv, Lv, Lub and blah! I don't know about the world, but yes, it is pretty difficult to figure how much that word is really meant today when used! My fingers are kinda frozen right now because I just washed my hands with cold water. But dude. It is freaking cold man! The whole of Madhya Pradesh? *sigh. It's cold.

I found out a new full form for the word 'Fine' today : Freaked out Insecure Neurotic Emotional. Kinda true though! And yes, to quote another something, "I trust everyone. It's the devil inside them I don't trust."
Yes, you got that right. I saw 'The Italian Job' today. And, needless to say, the movie is :)

Got to know about another someone who is doing great in her life. Chhavi Rajawat. Yes, that's inspiring.
*sigh. Every time I get to know of something like this or hear about someone, the only word that comes to my mind is, life. Everyone has their own opinion about it and their own point of views, about what is it actually all about and what it comes down to in the end. I still haven't got quite the major part of that one into my head.

How are you suppose to go about things sometimes when you're confused what to do? You ask your good friend and follow what he/she would do if he/she were in your position, knowing that, that person is poles apart from you? Or you follow your inner conscience and do what you have always done, knowing it has gone wrong a couple of times? Looks have been, are and, can be deceptive. And, you never really know, you know.

The songs being played on my playlist repetitively : 'I could really use a wish right now' by B.o.b. Airplanes/Eminem. And, 'The Time (the dirty bit)' by Black Eyed Peas. I didn't write 'obsession' because it isn't really one.

It is my real brother's 23rd birthday today. Happy Birthday to him! I love him :)

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Sleep

I want to close my eyes and not open them for sometime. A quality period of time is what I mean by 'sometime'.
What does it feel like to be dead? Dead in real. What would be the little changes that would take place around after your death?

What would it be like if I could fly? Fly as high as I wanted to, like a bird. And, not fall down because of gravity if I attempt to jump off a building?

"I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake." ~ Ernest Hemingway.
Yes, I do like the quote written above, a bit too much.

Friday, December 10, 2010

*Sighs*

♫ And now I've been gone for so long, I can't remember who was wrong..

What I exactly feel like doing 'right now', this very instant is going into an empty room and screaming. Loud, as loud as I possibly could. Haven't done that I don't know since when. I really do fail to understand people sometimes. Like they are beyond my understanding level. Seriously. How much attitude and ego can you have, for crying out loud? .. ♪ I pledge allegiance to a world of disbelief, where I belong..

There are those who would talk to you only when they feel like and not give a shit when you are in just about the mood to say what you feel like, out loud. But, you aren't given a chance to. Or rather, may I say, you are in a place where you know there are negative vibes surrounding you and how much ever you try to avoid everything, you get low and depressed. You don't really have any particular reason to cry still, but, you do. And then, you wonder why. You manage to convince yourself that it was for the good. And, I wouldn't say, it was for a reason. Because, I really do get reason-less.
As people say that, that they can feel all alone even when they are surrounded by a sea of people?
I feel like, I haven't felt like home since quite sometime, even when it hasn't even been a month since I have been away from home! I also believe, crying is good sometimes. It's like all the unspoken/unwritten/unexpressed/inexplicable feelings which you have somewhere inside you, all come out. It only gets weird when you don't know why you are crying or cried. When you really have absolutely no reason to! :/

The look that Mandy Moore has on her face when she is about to tell Shane West for the first time that she loves him after he had got a star named after her! The look. Every time it comes to my mind, it gets a smile along. A smile which makes me believe that it is too early to decide whether life has been good/worth it or not. Yes, I am talking about A Walk To Remember.

A boy sitting at the corner of a street cutting nails on a cardboard shows what? That he's hygienic or he thinks about the world and just so that anybody walking bare feet gets hurt, he would throw them in a dustbin? Or is he just superstitious about not cutting nails here and there? Or is it me wracking my brains for nothing? I suppose it is the last option I thought of. But, I'm good with whatever reason it might be, as long as there is one.

Lenses can really be a pain sometimes. *eyes itching* But, I am way too lazy for anybody to imagine. Too lazy to go up to my cupboard to take them off. Will do that when I've written though.

A book with the tiniest of fonts! Ooh. I do not quite like that. (!) That is obviously because I do not read books. I do not like to and I probably can't or maybe I choose not to. Whatever.

And, I like solitary walks. A lot. Sometimes.

Current obsession : 'Walking Disaster by Sum 41' :)

Friday, December 3, 2010

Flawlessness

Are there people who are flawless? Seriously? This world is too small and big at the same time. And, in my life till now, I don't think I've come across anybody flawless 'completely'. There are those who are awesome in a lot of ways, but then again, we all have our positive and negative points. Some like to work on the negatives and do something about it and some assume that their negatives are a characteristic of who they are. And that it'll distinguish them from the people around them. They are wrong in my opinion. We all tend to make a lot of assumptions in life. And, assuming that a negative point in us is a characteristic of ourselves is not right. Like it's said, there is a very thin line between saying it's 'wrong' and it's 'not right'.

Current obsession amongst the songs in my playlist: 'That's My Name - Akcent' :)

The deep sleep that you get after a really long time that you don't even remember in your subconsciousness about where you are. Like when I woke up today morning, it didn't register in my head for a few seconds that I'm in my pg only, until I opened my eyes and saw my roommate sitting on her bed right in front of me trying to open her eyes and wake up! Haha.

And, one by Ernest Hemingway for now : "The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them."

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I'm bad with titles? :/

Trust. When it comes to realising whether you were right or not, you are only yourself to blame. It was you who told yourself to believe and that the person you are talking to and probably pouring your heart out for whatever reason, is really listening to you. When I mean 'really listening' I mean, not just hearing. *sigh*

Men. They are all the same. No judgments but that's a point of view after all that I've seen. And, there are no exceptions to the rule. This was not suppose to be what I thought I'd be writing about. But then again, when do things actually come out the way you'd pictured them in your head. That's the imagination part. But, we tend to make assumptions. Ki yeh toh hoga, aur aise hee hoga. You never know.

I realised it had been about two months and I hadn't had chips. Like chips, and I got the urge to have 'banana chips' out of all though. That isn't weird. Is it? :/ Okay, maybe. Listening to good songs with good lyrics can really help and even though we all have our tensions of career and making an identity of ourselves, encouragement is all you need sometimes. Most of the people I know, tend to underestimate themselves a lot of times, and that is the time one needs to be reminded that it's all good. Life has been given to live, so might as well live it happily and see and learn from people around you and take the positives from them instead of focusing on the negatives. Be happy, learn to be. Do things you never thought you would.

Eat healthy. I don't but one must. Observe things and see how much there is taking place around you and what would it be like if it were not like that. Thinking way too much is never good but opening your mind for thoughts and ideas to flow in, is important for your imaginative side to evolve.

Never underestimate anybody, Never, as I believe is too strong a word to use for anything. But, I mean it here. If there is somebody you care about, let the person know. This is not some philosophy lecture but, half nahi, most of times, we don't express ourselves 'well'.

A sight of a cobbler solving crossword in a newspaper is a good sight. :)

Talking about movies, I saw 'A Walk To Remember' for about the twelfth time a day back. And, being honest here, the marginal utility did not decrease. Since, I'm more of a chick flicks movie person, my favourite movie for about seven years had been 'A Cinderella Story' and it changed to 'A Walk To Remember' when I saw it three and a half times consecutively in four days about a year back. There are people who say, how can you watch a movie that depressing over and over again? But it's funny, somehow, I watch it when I'm low or I am really happy and not in a mood to share my happiness in words maybe.

The one line from the movie which is my favourite is, "Please don't pretend like you know me."

The songs, 'Way back into love' from the movie Music & Lyrics, 'Light up the sky' by Yellowcard, 'Rhythm of love' by Plain White T's, are the ones that come to my mind right now.

All that I write is always a mixture. When somebody asks me, 'What kind of music do you like?' I never really have a precise answer to that. My choice of songs is a mixture again. I have never been able to categorize it as rock, hip hop, metal, classic rock or whatever else there is, as an option.

Car drives are nice. A long drive with a friend or a family member driving, music and looking outside the window with a lot of thoughts, flashing through your mind. I've always liked train journeys when somebody would leave me with my peace of mind next to one of the windows for hours and not question me. I like to look outside and be full of thoughts for a moment and be blank the other.

..Will end with the last few lines of the song, 'Way back into love'..


"And if I open my heart to you 
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do 
And if you help me to start again 
You know that I'll be there for you in the end."