Roads, books and music?

I saw a man crying, standing at the corner of the road close to a small cigarette shop, the other day. I hadn't noticed the cigarette in his hand until he got it back to his mouth to take another drag after wiping his tear. It was about two in the afternoon as far as I can remember when I walked towards the bus stand. The sights one sees and comes across on a daily basis can leave you blank at one moment and make you wrack your brains a bit the other. A story being there behind every act. A reason.

I enjoy solitude. Sometimes.

In our daily lives, things which are meant to happen and planned in prior.. A possibility of them taking place is always the highest. It's fate which plays its role. An indication given by it to let chance play its role mustn't be ignored.

And about three lines quoted from 'The Unbearable Lightness of Being' by Milan Kundera,

"Chance and chance alone has a message for us. Everything that occurs out of necessity, everything expected, repeated day in and day out, is mute. Only chance can speak to us."

Yes, I'm reading that book. My first book! I'm pretty sure that I've mentioned before that I don't read books and that I believed I couldn't..for nuts! But, I find 'The Unbearable Lightness of Being' very intriguing somehow. Even though I have managed to read only about fifty pages of it till now.. I'm liking it. I mean yeah, I'm going with the flow. Surely, it is not a book meant for me when I'm a starter and haven't really read a whole book by myself before, but, I'm reading it anyway. Oh and yeah, just the gist, as to why only this book out of all the books in the world.. That's simply because, a friend told me once.. 'Do something for me before you die? Read this book?'

*sigh. That statement speaks a lot in itself. Doesn't it? So yes, I'm reading a book! :)
And a quote comes to my mind for some odd reason, "And remember, no matter where you go, there you are." ~ Confucius.

Also, the most awesome song ever is 'Last Day of Your Life' by Glass Pear! :D
Needless to say, it's my current obsession. And, every time I open the bookmarked page of this book.. I play this song along. I'd kinda say that the whole : The Unbearable Lightness of Being + Last Day of Your Life = Awesomeness? Umm, atleast till now. :/


P.S. - I saw 'Dhobi Ghat (mumbai diaries)' today! Oh, technically, yesterday.
Will write about it in the next post :)
Oh, and and and, I also made a bucket list two days back! :D

Music comes to my rescue all the time

I thought I had written a post about how the one thing that puts me off about people is when they pass judgments about somebody they have absolutely no idea about. Like seriously!
But, I realise I haven't. Nonetheless, that statement is kind of self explanatory.

So yeah, coming back to what I had in mind last night...
You must have knowledge about local trains no matter what!
And I mean each word typed above. I am a regular local bus traveler and therefore, I do have some knowledge about buses as to which number would go from where to where maybe. I am not a local train traveler. But, there can be times when you have to travel alone in a train at a peak hour and mind you, you have travelled alone earlier but its been long. And now, you don't seem to remember how to go about it. You figure out which train you have to get onto after questioning people. You're all fine and settled in your head, until, the train comes infront of you and you realise there isn't a female compartment in that train! You're lost again. You don't know what to do. You see the ladies' faces all confused too just like the way you are. And, you see two of them running and getting onto the general compartment! You don't know what to do. And by the time you realise what to.. the train starts to move and for some weird reason..you ran after those two females as well! The train has started to move and just when its about to catch speed.. you climb onto it! Why is the question and I have absolutely no idea.

Train experiences always teach you a lesson. In some or the other manner. After sitting down in it, for some weird reason..I could relate to the rush that one goes through/experiences and realises what was right and what wasn't at a point of time. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten onto that train but I did. And maybe I was meant to. It's not really about getting onto a train or not. It's about asking yourself if I took the right decision at that point of time or not. Even a small decision like that. Or was it even a decision at all? Or it was just a moment of rush and it made me work like that?

Sometimes there are lot of baseless unanswered questions in your head. You should just tell them to stay where they are and probably bury them in some corner of your head by listening to abnormally loud music. It helps me at least.

I am tired about figuring out who cares and who doesn't, and I'm done being the first one to take the initiative and making efforts thinking it's okay, he/she might have forgotten. I'm sick now.
*sigh. It gets irritating at some point of time when you have expressed yourself to the best capacity you could and the person might not even be remotely indifferent to your behaviour but totally behaves like he/she is, and doesn't even do anything to prove that it's the former case here and that it's all good.

And, awesome songs :)
- The Life by Hinder
- The Show Goes On by Lupe Fiasco
- What The Hell by Avril Lavigne
- Love The Way You Lie (Part 2) : Rihanna and Eminem
- Dynamite by Taio Cruz
- Impossible by Shontelle
- Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars
- No Surprises by Radiohead.

And to end with two quotes,
"Destiny is what you are supposed to do in life. Fate is what kicks you in the ass to make you do it."

"I know you believe you understand what I said, but I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant."

Nothingness can get you thinking sometimes?

I do not know what its like to keep in touch with someone you thought you could spend the rest of your life with.  I do not know whether its okay to be able to keep in touch with that person or not. Whether its easy or not and whether it doesn't hurt as much as it could have. I am obviously not talking about myself here. But yes, I am trying to relate to it. Love. God, who made that four letter word? There are different spellings and short forms of that word today. Luv, Lv, Lub and blah! I don't know about the world, but yes, it is pretty difficult to figure how much that word is really meant today when used! My fingers are kinda frozen right now because I just washed my hands with cold water. But dude. It is freaking cold man! The whole of Madhya Pradesh? *sigh. It's cold.

I found out a new full form for the word 'Fine' today : Freaked out Insecure Neurotic Emotional. Kinda true though! And yes, to quote another something, "I trust everyone. It's the devil inside them I don't trust."
Yes, you got that right. I saw 'The Italian Job' today. And, needless to say, the movie is :)

Got to know about another someone who is doing great in her life. Chhavi Rajawat. Yes, that's inspiring.
*sigh. Every time I get to know of something like this or hear about someone, the only word that comes to my mind is, life. Everyone has their own opinion about it and their own point of views, about what is it actually all about and what it comes down to in the end. I still haven't got quite the major part of that one into my head.

How are you suppose to go about things sometimes when you're confused what to do? You ask your good friend and follow what he/she would do if he/she were in your position, knowing that, that person is poles apart from you? Or you follow your inner conscience and do what you have always done, knowing it has gone wrong a couple of times? Looks have been, are and, can be deceptive. And, you never really know, you know.

The songs being played on my playlist repetitively : 'I could really use a wish right now' by B.o.b. Airplanes/Eminem. And, 'The Time (the dirty bit)' by Black Eyed Peas. I didn't write 'obsession' because it isn't really one.

It is my real brother's 23rd birthday today. Happy Birthday to him! I love him :)

Sleep

I want to close my eyes and not open them for sometime. A quality period of time is what I mean by 'sometime'.

What does it feel like to be dead? Dead in real. What would be the little changes that would take place around after your death?

What would it be like if I could fly? Fly as high as I wanted to, like a bird. And, not fall down because of gravity if I attempt to jump off a building?

"I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake." ~ Ernest Hemingway.

Yes, I do like the quote written above, a bit too much.

*Sighs*

♫ And now I've been gone for so long, I can't remember who was wrong..

What I exactly feel like doing 'right now', this very instant is going into an empty room and screaming. Loud, as loud as I possibly could. Haven't done that I don't know since when. I really do fail to understand people sometimes. Like they are beyond my understanding level. Seriously. How much attitude and ego can you have, for crying out loud? .. ♪ I pledge allegiance to a world of disbelief, where I belong..

There are those who would talk to you only when they feel like and not give a shit when you are in just about the mood to say what you feel like, out loud. But, you aren't given a chance to. Or rather, may I say, you are in a place where you know there are negative vibes surrounding you and how much ever you try to avoid everything, you get low and depressed. You don't really have any particular reason to cry still, but, you do. And then, you wonder why. You manage to convince yourself that it was for the good. And, I wouldn't say, it was for a reason. Because, I really do get reason-less.

As people say that, that they can feel all alone even when they are surrounded by a sea of people?
I feel like, I haven't felt like home since quite sometime, even when it hasn't even been a month since I have been away from home! I also believe, crying is good sometimes. It's like all the unspoken/unwritten/unexpressed/inexplicable feelings which you have somewhere inside you, all come out. It only gets weird when you don't know why you are crying or cried. When you really have absolutely no reason to! :/

The look that Mandy Moore has on her face when she is about to tell Shane West for the first time that she loves him after he had got a star named after her! The look. Every time it comes to my mind, it gets a smile along. A smile which makes me believe that it is too early to decide whether life has been good/worth it or not. Yes, I am talking about A Walk To Remember.

A boy sitting at the corner of a street cutting nails on a cardboard shows what? That he's hygienic or he thinks about the world and just so that anybody walking bare feet gets hurt, he would throw them in a dustbin? Or is he just superstitious about not cutting nails here and there? Or is it me wracking my brains for nothing? I suppose it is the last option I thought of. But, I'm good with whatever reason it might be, as long as there is one.

Lenses can really be a pain sometimes. *eyes itching* But, I am way too lazy for anybody to imagine. Too lazy to go up to my cupboard to take them off. Will do that when I've written though.

A book with the tiniest of fonts! Ooh. I do not quite like that. (!) That is obviously because I do not read books. I do not like to and I probably can't or maybe I choose not to. Whatever.

And, I like solitary walks. A lot. Sometimes.

Current obsession : 'Walking Disaster by Sum 41' :)

Flawlessness

Are there people who are flawless? Seriously? This world is too small and big at the same time. And, in my life till now, I don't think I've come across anybody flawless 'completely'. There are those who are awesome in a lot of ways, but then again, we all have our positive and negative points. Some like to work on the negatives and do something about it and some assume that their negatives are a characteristic of who they are. And that it'll distinguish them from the people around them. They are wrong in my opinion. We all tend to make a lot of assumptions in life. And, assuming that a negative point in us is a characteristic of ourselves is not right. Like it's said, there is a very thin line between saying it's 'wrong' and it's 'not right'.

Current obsession amongst the songs in my playlist: 'That's My Name - Akcent' :)

The deep sleep that you get after a really long time that you don't even remember in your subconsciousness about where you are. Like when I woke up today morning, it didn't register in my head for a few seconds that I'm in my pg only, until I opened my eyes and saw my roommate sitting on her bed right in front of me trying to open her eyes and wake up! Haha.

And, one by Ernest Hemingway for now : "The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them."

I'm bad with titles? :/

Trust. When it comes to realising whether you were right or not, you are only yourself to blame. It was you who told yourself to believe and that the person you are talking to and probably pouring your heart out for whatever reason, is really listening to you. When I mean 'really listening' I mean, not just hearing. *sigh*

Men. They are all the same. No judgments but that's a point of view after all that I've seen. And, there are no exceptions to the rule. This was not suppose to be what I thought I'd be writing about. But then again, when do things actually come out the way you'd pictured them in your head. That's the imagination part. But, we tend to make assumptions. Ki yeh toh hoga, aur aise hee hoga. You never know.

I realised it had been about two months and I hadn't had chips. Like chips, and I got the urge to have 'banana chips' out of all though. That isn't weird. Is it? :/ Okay, maybe. Listening to good songs with good lyrics can really help and even though we all have our tensions of career and making an identity of ourselves, encouragement is all you need sometimes. Most of the people I know, tend to underestimate themselves a lot of times, and that is the time one needs to be reminded that it's all good. Life has been given to live, so might as well live it happily and see and learn from people around you and take the positives from them instead of focusing on the negatives. Be happy, learn to be. Do things you never thought you would.

Eat healthy. I don't but one must. Observe things and see how much there is taking place around you and what would it be like if it were not like that. Thinking way too much is never good but opening your mind for thoughts and ideas to flow in, is important for your imaginative side to evolve.

Never underestimate anybody, Never, as I believe is too strong a word to use for anything. But, I mean it here. If there is somebody you care about, let the person know. This is not some philosophy lecture but, half nahi, most of times, we don't express ourselves 'well'.

A sight of a cobbler solving crossword in a newspaper is a good sight. :)

Talking about movies, I saw 'A Walk To Remember' for about the twelfth time a day back. And, being honest here, the marginal utility did not decrease. Since, I'm more of a chick flicks movie person, my favourite movie for about seven years had been 'A Cinderella Story' and it changed to 'A Walk To Remember' when I saw it three and a half times consecutively in four days about a year back. There are people who say, how can you watch a movie that depressing over and over again? But it's funny, somehow, I watch it when I'm low or I am really happy and not in a mood to share my happiness in words maybe.

The one line from the movie which is my favourite is, "Please don't pretend like you know me."

The songs, 'Way back into love' from the movie Music & Lyrics, 'Light up the sky' by Yellowcard, 'Rhythm of love' by Plain White T's, are the ones that come to my mind right now.

All that I write is always a mixture. When somebody asks me, 'What kind of music do you like?' I never really have a precise answer to that. My choice of songs is a mixture again. I have never been able to categorize it as rock, hip hop, metal, classic rock or whatever else there is, as an option.

Car drives are nice. A long drive with a friend or a family member driving, music and looking outside the window with a lot of thoughts, flashing through your mind. I've always liked train journeys when somebody would leave me with my peace of mind next to one of the windows for hours and not question me. I like to look outside and be full of thoughts for a moment and be blank the other.

..Will end with the last few lines of the song, 'Way back into love'..


"And if I open my heart to you 
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do 
And if you help me to start again 
You know that I'll be there for you in the end."